As I said in my last blog post, peer pressure and bullying are two of the hardest things that people have to deal with during their time at school.
Peers influence your life and the decisions that you make in it, whether you realize it or not. As you start growing up, you are faced with challenging decisions that are hard enough to make on your own without other people sticking their nose in and telling you what you should do. The first thing I should say is that the only thing you SHOULD do, is what YOU want to do - not what anyone else wants you to do.
It’s human nature to learn from other people your age. Some things you will copy without even realizing. Other things, you may think that you should copy even if you don’t really want to. This is not the case! Some peers will try to influence you in a negative way or make you feel that you should be doing something just because ‘everybody else is’ when in reality not EVERYONE else is and also, you can grow up and do these things in your own time.
Just because your whole group of friends is drinking or smoking or anything else, that doesn’t mean that you have to. Make these decisions, these choices, on your own. Ask yourself - do you really want to do these things for your own benefit or do you only want to do them to (a) be like everybody else or (b) impress others? If you’re not doing it for your own benefit then you shouldn’t be doing it. Doing things that you don’t want to do just to make other people in your life happy won’t make you happy - it will make you seriously unhappy.
Personally, I’ve never given into peer pressure, even though it has been ridiculously hard not to at times. All of my decisions have always been my own. I’m strong minded and I don’t like people telling me what to do. I understand that not everybody is that way inclined, and that a lot of people look to their peers to see what to do or feel like they have to do things. One of my best friends is the prime example, even though I’ve never understood it. Do things for yourself, nobody else. Be a leader, not a sheep.
A little bit of natural, perfectly normal peer pressure can often lead to bullying, which is something totally different. Bullying is the act of intimidating and/or manipulating others through some kind of abuse. There are four types of this - emotional, verbal, physical and cyber - the only thing you need to know is that all of them are wrong. Bullying happens in all places and at all ages but it’s most common in schools.
If you are being bullied, the first thing you need to remember is that it’s not your fault. People bully others because of problems in their own lives, whether that’s because of their own insecurities or problems at home or something completely different. For example, it has been found that some ‘homophobic’ bullying has been done by bullies who were gay/lesbian themselves, as they were in denial about their sexuality and their way to protect themselves against their feelings was to rebel against those who openly admit to being homosexual. Some people also bully others if they are jealous of them or feel threatened by them, to make them feel smaller.
Bullying is not acceptable under any circumstances and if it’s not stopped, it can spiral out of control. As soon as you feel that you’re being bullied, you should let someone know. If you’re at school, a parent and/or teacher is the best way to go. In the workplace, it’s best to consult your line manager or general manager unless it’s one of them that is doing the bullying - in that case, you’re better off contacting head office. No matter where you are or who you’re dealing with, you need to inform someone who can deal with it and put an end to it before it gets worse.
It may sound like a small thing when you’re not in the situation, but when it’s happening to you, it can be suffocating, and I speak from experience when I say it can make you too scared to go to school or work. I didn’t go to school for months because of someone who bullied me. It began with bit of name calling and finished with hits, being floured etc. It was one of the worst experiences of my life because I ran away from it and didn’t tell anyone. When I finally told my parents and a teacher, the bullies were all suspended and one expelled within a week.
Bullying is unacceptable and in many cases, it has caused people to take (or attempt to take) their own lives. If you’re being bullied, tell someone straight away and if you’re considering bullying someone, don’t - how guilty would you feel if they killed themselves because of you?
Clare
xxx
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