Growing Up Time?

There's come a time in your life when you realize that it's time to grow up. There are also times before that where you think you have grown up, until something happens and you realize that you're far from being where you should be.

I have always been pretty mature and advanced for my age, with older friends. Although I've got some best friends that are my age, in general, I have always been friends with older people as the majority of those my age have always been too 'young' for me.

Being advanced for your age isn't always a good thing. It makes you feel very isolated sometimes, and people tend to see you as being 'boring' or less fun than others because you have gained a 'sensible head' years before everyone else your age.

Out of my friends my own age, I was the first one to do everything, besides pass my driving test, which I was second by a couple of months. I was the first one to get a job, move out, fall in love... And everything in between. I was the first one to drink and smoke, and do many other stupid things that I'm not proud of.

It wasn't until last weekend that I realized how much more growing up I have yet to do. I love drinking and partying - I always have - but last weekend, I took it to a new extreme. Of all the times I've been drunk, I have never, until last weekend, thrown up blood as a result. Of course, I've passed out, I've been sick, I've made stupid mistakes that I know I'm going to regret when I'm older, but never have I ever thrown up blood.

Honestly, it was a scary moment. I didn't even feel that drunk, but I must have been well on my way, as I had my first cigarette after being quit for 18 months - a stupid, drunken decision. But as I sat on the floor, half naked, with my head over the toilet, feeling agonizing stabbing pains rip through my stomach, I realized that I still have growing up to do.

Grown adults don't let themselves get into this state, do they? They don't damage their bodies in this way for seemingly no reason, other than the fact I was feeling a bit down. Drinking or smoking isn't a very mature way to deal with your problems, and it certainly doesn't make them go away. Of course, having a sociable drink can take your mind off things for a while, but when you're drinking just to get through the day, you know it's got to stop. It doesn't solve anything, and although it may distract you for a while, you wake up the next morning with the problem still there, only with a banging headache to accompany it.

It's been 9 days since my last alcoholic drink which is a long time for me. As it stands, I have no intention of drinking in the near future. Whether this will last or not when I go on holiday, who knows, but one thing's for certain, I won't be drinking to that extent again.

Clare
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xxx