Ever since I did my leg, climbing the stairs has been a really difficult thing as I've either had to hop up on my good leg or slide up on my bum. Hopping was working perfectly fine until my elbows swelled and bruised from being on crutches for so long (It will be 7 weeks on Wednesday) so I had to start going up on my bum and pulling myself up by my elbows.
This was all fine until last weekend. When I go out, I'm in a wheelchair as I can't walk long distances on my crutches any more due to my elbows. If you don't know me, you'll probably think that I'm just being lazy but trust me - I'm not. My elbows are bruised from my crutches and I struggle to lift my own weight due to having joint problems. I also broke my left elbow in three places when I was younger and it never recovered properly, to the extent that I can't even lift a bag of sugar with that arm without being in pain. So hopefully, that helps you to understand a bit more that I'm not just being lazy.
So anyway, as I was saying, I normally go out in a wheelchair as I can't walk (well, hop) more than about 20-30 ft on my crutches without being in severe pain to the point that I can't carry on. However, I felt bad as my boyfriend had to keep lifting the wheelchair in and out of the car. I felt like I was being a burden to him so I said that I didn't need it, even though I knew that I did.
It was already going to be a long walk for me. We did it to the exit of the car park only to discover that the exit we had gone to was now closed. This meant we had to not only go back on ourselves, but then had to walk a different way which was even further. I had to stop so many times and I was nearly crying because of the pain but I thought I'd be fine.
By the time I woke up the next morning, my back was in agony. It felt like pulled muscles at first but as the days have gone on, it's felt worse. This morning I woke up and I had a burning sensation in my back muscles whenever I moved.
This evening, I had to face coming up the stairs. I could not hop as previously explained so I had to go up on my bum which is a huge struggle when you have a bad back. It took me 20 minutes to get to sitting on the top step. I cried all the way up. I'm not one for crying in front of my parents but I couldn't hold it back. I was screaming in agony to the point that my Mom and Dad started crying because they felt so helpless. When I got to the top, I just laid on the floor crying unable to move. My Dad had to pick me up to get me onto my feet, and he really isn't in a fit state to do that especially with the amount I weigh.
It was genuinely my worst experience of climbing stairs in my whole life. I'm just lying flat on my bed now unable to move my back at all. My Mom has said I need to stay in my bedroom now and not leave the house except to go to the doctors, hospital and physiotherapy, not that I was going out much more than that anyway except when my partner comes to visit.
I feel so useless and horrible. It started off with a severe knee dislocation and that has led to badly damaged elbows and now a back so painful that I can't move. I wish the world would just give me a break. I'm so fed up.
Clare
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xxx
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