However, since my leg injury, I have found that I lost all of my motivation. My depression hit it's peak and I found myself not wanting to get out of bed or get dressed, which isn't like me at all. I let myself become a state (put on a lot of weight etc.) and also my room has been a mess, both of which are not like me.
I'm starting to recover now and I'm doing really well, but I need to get my motivation back. I have gained nearly a stone since I injured my leg back in August and I have become the kind of person that I never wanted to be. I seem to have no desire to do anything and no motivation to inspire myself to do anything either.
Honestly, I have no idea how I'm supposed to get it back. I've started by buying myself (well my boyfriend paid for most of it but I contributed towards it) a pair of running trainers - something that I've never owned but always wanted to. My boyfriend wanted to buy them for me but I insisted on contributing towards the price due to the expense. He hopes that they will inspire me to recover quicker and to go to the gym when I do recover, as I feel very low about my weight at the moment to the point that I don't feel comfortable even taking my clothes off in front of him - the man I love. It's sad really, but so is the fact that I've let myself get back to a weight that I hoped I'd never be again.
I don't entirely blame myself. Yes, I've been comfort eating and I eat a lot but honestly? I don't care. Even when I try to lose weight again in the new year, I want to be able to eat what I want (within reason) and not develop a bad relationship with food again, as recovering from EDNOS (an eating disorder) is the hardest thing that I've ever been through in my whole life and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I never want to go back to wanting to be thin so badly that I'd die for it, and hating food because of it. I love food now and I enjoy going out for meals more than anything, which was previously a massive hate for me so I don't want to lose this side of me - I just want to skimp my body back down to the size it was through exercise once my leg has recovered and that is one thing that I am motivated and determined to do, as I am developing a bad relationship with my body again when I have only just begun to accept it.
I understand that I'm smaller than the average UK size and waist band and weight, and I wouldn't say that I'm fat, but I have a lot of wobbly bits that I'm not happy with. I'm going to ditch the scales in the new year and rely completely on measurements and how I feel within my body, as muscle weighs more than fat and I would rather be toned than skinny.
Who knows what it is going to take to get motivation back for the other aspects of my life once I've recovered, but I'm sure I will get there eventually. Maybe I won't go back to my old self, but hopefully I will become a new version of me that's even better.
Clare
(twitter / instagram)
xxx
I'm starting to recover now and I'm doing really well, but I need to get my motivation back. I have gained nearly a stone since I injured my leg back in August and I have become the kind of person that I never wanted to be. I seem to have no desire to do anything and no motivation to inspire myself to do anything either.
Honestly, I have no idea how I'm supposed to get it back. I've started by buying myself (well my boyfriend paid for most of it but I contributed towards it) a pair of running trainers - something that I've never owned but always wanted to. My boyfriend wanted to buy them for me but I insisted on contributing towards the price due to the expense. He hopes that they will inspire me to recover quicker and to go to the gym when I do recover, as I feel very low about my weight at the moment to the point that I don't feel comfortable even taking my clothes off in front of him - the man I love. It's sad really, but so is the fact that I've let myself get back to a weight that I hoped I'd never be again.
I don't entirely blame myself. Yes, I've been comfort eating and I eat a lot but honestly? I don't care. Even when I try to lose weight again in the new year, I want to be able to eat what I want (within reason) and not develop a bad relationship with food again, as recovering from EDNOS (an eating disorder) is the hardest thing that I've ever been through in my whole life and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I never want to go back to wanting to be thin so badly that I'd die for it, and hating food because of it. I love food now and I enjoy going out for meals more than anything, which was previously a massive hate for me so I don't want to lose this side of me - I just want to skimp my body back down to the size it was through exercise once my leg has recovered and that is one thing that I am motivated and determined to do, as I am developing a bad relationship with my body again when I have only just begun to accept it.
I understand that I'm smaller than the average UK size and waist band and weight, and I wouldn't say that I'm fat, but I have a lot of wobbly bits that I'm not happy with. I'm going to ditch the scales in the new year and rely completely on measurements and how I feel within my body, as muscle weighs more than fat and I would rather be toned than skinny.
Who knows what it is going to take to get motivation back for the other aspects of my life once I've recovered, but I'm sure I will get there eventually. Maybe I won't go back to my old self, but hopefully I will become a new version of me that's even better.
Clare
(twitter / instagram)
xxx
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