Due to saying in my first post about having a lot of free time, I felt like I should begin my blog by explaining why I currently have so much free time as it will also help me get a lot of things off my chest.
At the end of 2013, I was offered my dream job - the job that I'd wanted to do for as long as I could remembered. Many people mock the industry but to me, working on a holiday park was something that I had longed for since I was little, as I'd always been on UK holidays to places such as Haven. So when I got offered the job of my life, I snatched it with both hands.
I was terrified as I'd never been away from home for more than a few days and I was going to be moving nearly 300 miles away to a place that was unfamiliar to me, to be living with and working with strangers in a job that I'd never done before. I was finally going to grow up. It was the biggest decision that I've had to make in my life so far but it was by far, the best.
So in February, I went off for my training before moving away in March to start my new life.
It turned out to be the best experience of my life. I had everything that I'd ever wished for in life. First thing was first, I had freedom and independence - something that my parents had never really given me. I went there not knowing how to cook, clean, use a washing machine, do my own food shopping. I didn't know how to do any of the basic things that I needed to know in order to live away from home but I threw myself in head first and I learned how to do things through trial and error. I've always been incredibly reliant on my parents so this was a huge change for me and it was amazing.
Another thing, as I previously said, was my freedom. Despite being 20, I've always had a curfew at home with my parents, a set time that I'd have to be in by. Moving away gave me the freedom to go out when I wanted and do what I wanted with whoever I wanted. I did loads of small, simple things that I'd always wanted to do but never been able to. Late night drives. Star gazing with people I cared about. Being on the beach at 4am. The main one was of course, staying out clubbing until whatever time I wanted. I had some of the best, messiest and wildest nights of my life out there. (I'm sure I'll blog about some of these nights in more detail at a later time.)
I met a man and fell crazy in love, way too fast, with the type of man that I thought I'd never be with. Within two weeks of being together, we were living together as well as working together - something I would never have got to do if I'd been living at home. I'd never spent more than one night with a man before this as it was forbidden at home so it was a totally new experience for me that instantly made me grow up a lot.
And of course, I had the job that I'd dreamed of my whole life. There were times when I thought I couldn't take it but the bad was always pushed aside by the heaps of good that I had. I was earning the highest wage I've ever had, working up to 60 hours a week, performing in shows 4 times a week and genuinely loving my life as a performer and getting to experience new levels of performing, including character work.
That was how I ended up where I am now. On Wednesday 21st August, I was on stage doing character work in a show that I do every single week. It's my favourite character show... Or 'was' until this day. I was performing the first number in the show, 'The Bom Bom Song', when I felt my left knee pop and my leg collapsed from underneath me. I hit the ground but jumped back up and carried on. I was in absolute agony and my leg kept wobbling from underneath me, but being in character, I couldn't even signal to anyone that I needed to get off stage so I had to continue the rest of the show for another 15-20 minutes. By the time I got off stage, my knee was severely swollen and when I tried to stand back up, my leg collapsed from underneath me.
I went to the local walk in centre and was put on crutches even though they weren't 100% sure what was wrong with me at the time. I was referred to a knee specialist at the biggest hospital in Cornwall. However, the knee specialist was only there on a Monday which meant I had to wait 12 days after my injury to see them. During this time, I still had to go to work. I couldn't do 90% of my job. I was banished to the DJ box doing sound and lights at all times. This was heart breaking. I had to watch my friends doing the performances that I was supposed to be in, hearing them singing the parts that were mine. It was horrible. I shouldn't have been at work at all but I wasn't given a sick note and in a job like mine, you're not allowed to self certify.
Eventually, on 2nd September, I went to see the knee specialist who signed me off sick for two weeks (the maximum he could give me). I had further x-rays done and an examination before he told me that I'd severely dislocated my kneecap and that it was approximately 3 inches out of place. Obviously, I had a lot of questions, the main one being 'When can I perform again?' - the doctor actually laughed at my question before he said 'A long time.' As you can imagine, this was like my heart being ripped from my chest and I just broke down. Performing is my life and my job. The injury was more serious than both I and doctors originally thought. (I'll blog more about my injury at a later date.)
When you're on sick leave, you're not allowed to live on park (where I was living) and of course, I couldn't work. My parents came to pick me up that day and took me back to my hometown. That day was the day I lost everything. I lost my freedom, my independence, my job, my money. I'm getting £165 less a week than what I was before. Sick pay doesn't pay well. I'm living 300 miles away from my dream job, my dream life and my wonderful boyfriend, who is the only thing keeping me going at the moment. I've gone from working 48 to 60 hours a week and having a busy social life on top of that, to sitting at home staring at walls with nothing to do except dwell on my situation and worry more about my future, which is not looking good at the moment. I can't do simple things like cook, clean, pour myself a drink, have a bath, go for a walk, go for a drive.
The above photo was taken on the day I'd been to the hospital for the first time, soldiering on into work with no sleep and in absolute agony.
I miss my the life that I had but I have to focus on my recovery for now. All I have is the memory of the life that I wish I still had - 24th February to 2nd September were the best few months of my life and nobody can ever take that away from me.
Clare
xxx
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